THE BIG S

The Big S will determine who Ivan really is!

Alberto Einstein has figure out what the Big S is and what it stands for.

The Big S = Syed!

Syed is Ivan indeed! He is known as the Mothergoose. He resides in the dungeon where Maksim used to play his piano with Beethoven's Masterpieces during the War of the Ring and the Battle on Endor.

We shall seek out and interrogate this Mother.

Here is a picture of him:



He trains in the Secrets of the Black Arts and has utilized them well. Tracking him wont be a problem but capturing him will be! For he will enchant those who oppose him with his arsenal of fairy tales. The Minister of Defense, General Muhammad Ali Boxer will have his hands full with this one.

More on this later!

No Ivan

I am back once again to bring you a special update on the Secret Club. Agent Jewish Rubbish lost his way during a jungle trekking event in a forest near Kenya. Ivan probably dispatched an army of wild boars to get the crazy man. He is now MIA. More news on that later.

Since the last update, the Secret Club has been very busy indeed. Emperor Secret has found a side job and Agent Scott has gone back to school. I however, the Knight of Secrecy, am now free as a bird. However, momentarily. As I must confront with the Big O in March. Yes.

The Big O is the one thing that all of us fear. The Big O is simply the abbreviation of Oman which is Ivan's name in Malay. O is also the the third letter in ISO. But there are also the Big I which means Ivan and also the Big S which we are unable to found out what it represents. I must consult with Professor Alberto Einstein with this matter.

Til then.

- Secret

I AM BACK!!!!

I am back! Returning from my long absence to a trip to Mount Eversecret, in Nepal, Tibet where the Power Metal Princess dwells.

During my adventures there, I've discovered numerous of things that has got to do with the ISO. I brought a laptop, with a Napoleon internet service provider called the Super dunno what Internet Service.

First of all, WINRAR is now part of the ISO's crazy scheme as we see here in the screen capture below. Indeed, falling into an ISO trap, is inevitable, if you were to 'check' the box next to the 'ISO'. So I urge, every member who has WINRAR or is going to install WINRAR to not support ISO!


Next, we have found a picture which is to be suspected as Ivan himself. Be on the lookout for any person who looks like him (picture below). He can be find dwelling near the DNT workshop areas in Pasir Ris Secondary School. One of the ISO's top secret hideouts which isn't much of a secret anymore thanks to yo' bitch ass capn' nigga from the eaz side me muhself. yo.


Next, we have uncovered a teddy bear, with a swastika on its belly.

This was found near orchard road's 7-11. Secret ah. This is suspected to be the mark of Rocketboy himself! An ISO exile warrior from the North.

Next, is a picture of a showdown involving ISO members. Holy shit will you look at that! 35 ISO members uncovered! You can also spot Agent Vegetable in the pit. "Where's Agent Vegetable?" a rip off of "Where's Waldo?", is going to be the most played game by our members in our club.


And finally, probably the most dumbest ISO member ever. Look at those tattoos! What the hell are those? Keep a lookout fellow members. This guy is super dangerous!


That is all for my entry. Any queries please call my new no. at 9-6secret-1.

Secret Vehicles of the SECRET WAR

We've uncovered secret mobiles!

The ISO plans to use this wheels of steel to rear buffalo manure. But in fact, these droppings are nuclear weapons also known as 'Weapons of Mass Destruction'. They can kill! We've however have stolen these vehicles of mayhem and is now underground in the Secret Batcave of the INcedible Hulk. <-- Secret ah.

We've also uncovered some of our photos secretly taken by the Secret police. Fortunately, we are still secret as secret as a secret mongoose.



This is Agent Scott Hiimfriendly with the AP-43 Choo choo. The vehicle can see, taste, smell and also lick. It has big big eyes like giant lantern dragons. One of the most Hi Tech vehicles of the ISO.



This is me and Agent Jew Rubbish. We've stolen the 2036 Willy Jeep. Very cool and classy and very fast. The steering wheel is damn small which makes it unique and out of this world.

and now.. BEHOLD! THE MOST PRICED POSSESSION EVER STOLEN FROM THE ISO!



The 600 SNOOPY Mobile. There is always a dog atop the vehicle.

SNOOPY was the first vehicle ever made and was the vehicle frequently used by Ivan himself!

We believe that the word SNOOPY.. here..



is a secret code which hides all information of the ISO. We will have this confirmed by Local Scientist, again.. Alberto Einstein.

Einstein's Discovery

Yes yes. Einstein, as you can see in the tag board to your left has discovered General Heryadi's true name. It is infact Yani, Heryani.

In other news, we are recruiting.. only for those who are worthy!

CONFIRMED!

It is confirmed!

General Heryadi is indeed a female in disguise!

A fellow warrior of the ISO caught eye of General Heryadi's strange and bitchy behaviour and sent the news to us. Over 600,000 warriors have now left the ISO after this news was secretly passed around.

VICTORY!

Secret Revealed!

It was a fine morning. Whilst everybody else were still soundly asleep dreaming of naked women sleeping with fuzzy animals, I was busy hacking into one of the General's databases. General Heryadi is his name. You see, I've uncovered a secret that even the leader of the Ivan's Secret Organisation, Sir Ivan, of course, himself is unaware of this secretive secrets of secrets.

General Heryadi is known as a brutal, maniacal and colour-blind general who spearheaded the attack of Mount Rushmore. He is the agent, who was responsible for the victory of the ISO. The Secret Club lost the war as a result of the absence of the 4 leaders. Emperor has gone fishing, Iamfriendly was busy practicing Chop Choy Kung Fu and Parkour-ing with a fellow russian Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan Slanobiski and Robinson Crusoe. I was watching Shrek 2 at that time. The Jewish Leader has gone back to his homeland of Israel to free Iraq.

Therefore, it was one tragic lost.

However, this secret may be the turning point of this war. After weeks of turmoil and losses.. I have finally found the solution that can bring the ISO down!

General Heryadi is in fact.. a woman! Yes, A WOMAN! A female shagdelic bitch.

Here is a picture of General Heryadi. (It was his first time)



After hacking the database, I've extracted a picture of him in a sailor moon outfit here:



However, this is not yet confirmed as we are in need of Local Scientist Alberto Einstein. I will get back to this news as soon as possible!

Breaking the Silence

Right. After days, weeks, years of silence after series of meetings.. of course secret meetings, I would want to break the silence by publishing some news on the ongoing war against 'The Secret Enterprise' of General Ivan.

---
On going war..
Source: Yahoo.com
by Alexander Geicht Schimdt

The death toll has been catastrophic. Many secret soldiers have died for their cause. Reports have said that the Secret club has sent black African soldiers dressed in black hooded robes with swords darker than their skin tones, to the lands of the enterprise.

Many have perished indeed. The 406th Secret Tank division of the Secret Club has advanced through the secret ridge of Secret Ridge. A few Jedi Knights were also reportedly seen battling against a Sith Lord of the Secret Enterprise. The bout was definitely brutal and evil resulting to one of the Jedi Knights to be sodomised by a lightsaber.

Barrages have plundered the Fortress of the Secret Club. The enraged Emperor, made the following comments..

"KILL THE BASTARDS!!"

And so he did killed some bastards with some flying Sea Gulls of Never Never Land. But thats not all, The Secret Enterprise sent some Troopers known as The Dragonforce, armed with PSG-1 Sniper Rifles to the city of Secretyolikous, where the Knight is ever watchful. They were later slained. The Knight of Secrecy kept one DF Trooper alive. There are of course many DF Troopers around. You can easily distinguish them.

They are equipped with the most ridiculous wear I have ever seen.

- Tapered pants. Sometimes 3/4.
- Blonde Helmets. (made them look like blonde hair but actually they are not)
- White sandals.
- Pink pale shirts.

The equipments listed are the rudiments of a DF Trooper. Of course there are other highly dangerous accessories like silver rings and silver earrings. Some even have tattoos.. mostly dragon tattoos as to signify their loyalty to the Dragonforce Trooper Regiments. They are usually in group of 3s or 5s. They are regard as highly dangerous.

They will take action if..

- you stare at them
- laugh at them
- confront them

They are also considered extremely dumb by the Knight of Secrecy.

Agent Scott Hiimfriendly (real name) has dispatched spies to the Great Castle of the Enterprise.

King Ivan has sent Star Destroyers to the Secret Club Post Office.

For more latest news, please visit www.thesecretwar.com

- Alex.
---

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www.secretdeathtolls.com

DEATH TOLL

Secret Enterprise
Black - 687,000,000
White - 333,221
Brown - 12
Yellow - 123,221,999

Ships
Star Destroyers - 0
Destroyers - 17
Rat-6 Aircraft - 88
Ff1 Attack Swift Bird of Doom - 99

Tanks
Ghost-1 - 24
Stealth Attack - 233
Light Hayabusa Tank - 1,011
Heavy Metal Panzer - 23

Special Forces:
Sithlords - 1
DF Troopers - 65

Secret Club
Black - N/A
White - 123,777,000
Brown - 0
Yellow - N/A

Ships
Star Destroyers - 12
Battleships - 80
Tsf-1 Aircrafts - 15
SC-666 Jets - 0

Tanks
Dh-2000 Sherman - 125
Little Boy Jap Tank - 200
Fat Bastard Supreme - 1

Special Forces
Jedi Knights - 2
Spies - 0
---

Ivan revealed.

Wah piang ley. Yesterday I met up with the Emperor at the big secret bus interchange. He agh want to pass his secret stuffs to me ah. Then ah in the end the stuff didn't work so we secretly scrapped away the secret. I secretly saw Ivan and his secret club. Wah not secret anymore.

I've managed to take a snapshot of one of his henchmen. Here it is:

Eh I have a question

EH wheres that secret Jewish guy? Still at school ah? Haven't come back? Aiyohyoh. Must be working on his secret project to eliminate the remnants of the Secret Communist of Republic China.

In other news.. Secret is still good. Still secret.

Most tiring day for a Knight

Wah piang. I just got home from school. You know that secret school. You want to know ah? Cannot lah sia. How can one? Got so many secret homeworks. HaiZz.